Psalm 13- Trust

A certain Psalm seems to continue to come to mind lately. I admit the first few parts of it aren't the happiest of verses but in continuing there are a couple verses that end it that really strike a cord with me. It says "But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing the Lord's praise, for he has been good to me." I really love these last few lines. After being so disheartened at the beginning it ends up because a true Psalm of faith and trust in God. Now I don't know about you but having faith and trusting are definitely two things I struggle with. Having faith in God's plans and trusting he is doing the right things for me are something I struggle with. Now i'm not saying I don't think he knows what he's doing. I KNOW he knows what he is doing. But sometimes it is very hard to "let go and let God" so to speak. I just really think this Psalm shows the fear and pain that we sometimes have but at the end the last couple of verses show tremendous faith and trust. It is so powerful to really think about just how much God will always take care of us and provide. He has unconditional, unfailing love for us. He has been SO good to us. It really is amazing to think about.

These faith and trust issues don't stop here. But like always they do return to God as everything does. I also struggle with trusting and having faith in my relationships. I learned this horrible mantra a long time ago "I only trust you as far as I can throw you." and unless you are a baseball I probably can't throw you very far. So, this is a horrible mantra? Yes and no. I mean there is nothing wrong with being cautious. There are people out there who aren't their to serve your best interest.  With that being said tho, just like their is nothing wrong with being cautious there is nothing wrong with being vulnerable to the people who deserve it. There are some tremendously good people that do deserve your trust, faith, and commitment. They deserve all of us, not just the parts we want to give. True trust is giving and letting. This trust and faith benefits all sides involved. Not everyone is going to hurt you. Not everyone is out to get you or to pull a fast one on you or destroy you. So why do I, and I'm sure I'm not alone, have such a hard time with this? Why do you? Are their people in your past who changed you, broke you, or made it seem impossible to fully trust someone? I answered yes. But isn't that really just part of it? It's just part of the game right? Honestly, if we continue to associate our relationships with a "game" things like this will continue to be the case and we will never move from this lifestyle of unfulfilling and untrusting relationships. Relationships aren't a game. There shouldn't be a winner and a loser. Now, let me stress I'm not condoning giving your trust and faith to just anyone walking down the street. Things take time, trust is earned. I know that. And finding someone who deserves your trust and faith is hard, but we shouldn't let the past dictate the future or set the tone. I fully believe in God's will and have faith in his way. He knows exactly what he's doing. He put's the right person there for us to learn to trust again. And I think the past makes the present and future that much sweeter. Yes the growing pains can be brutal. But they are worth it. I think the benefits of letting someone in outweigh the fears. Its better than being guarded and hurting every time you push someone away because you have been hurt in the past. We have to stay away from thoughts that compare them to the ones before them and passing judgements. I think to really improve and trust again we must stop comparing relationships and stop the game mentality.

God has a reason for it all. Trust him. He will put the right people there and you will know it. When you realize its time to trust again. You will. Just like when God leads you somewhere, go. He knows exactly what he's doing. I am trying to grow in trusting God's way. Just like in Psalm 13 there is so much fear, so many questions, but so much faith in God. He has unfailing love and he has been so good to us. True trust and faith in him. This post was pretty all over the place but I hope at least it communicated that trusting God and our relationships is true strength. We all deserve to be happy and be with good people. I thank God everyday for the people he has sent me. Sometimes coming from the most random, coincidental and unconventional places. I am truly blessed and hope to do my relationships with the one's I love justice.

I hope you have a great easter!

trust and faith,
Caroline

Just a little update.

I thought i'd throw in a different kind of post just to keep you on your toes. So here is a little update on my life right now and trust me it is truly riveting stuff!

Academia:
Started grad school last month at Harding and its been rather time consuming. Lots of writing, discussion, and research (yes APA format, glamorous). I am in a ethical management and analysis class and international business right now. Both are fairly interesting on any given day. Lots of papers and assignments. Add that to the other ugrad marketing classes im taking for kicks, its quite a bit of schooling but not the most difficult semester i've had by far tho! Spent a lot of the day on campus writing a paper and doing assignments.
Work:
Doing some social media work for Blackbird when I have time a.k.a. handling their twitter account. I'd like to get more involved but i'm still trying to balance everything! Also, working for a lawyer friend when he needs me. Need to buckle down in this department I know. I kind of feel like a bum.
Fitness/Nutrition:
One of the most frustrating areas in my life right now. I've been going to the physical therapist for my back and hip. Long story short: I have the back of an 80yr old and my hip pops out at the drop of a hat. So what that means is PT twice a week, wearing a hip belt, he took me off running for the time being, no jumping and really low impact stuff. The elliptical has become my bffl and my training sessions with Sarah have become very limited to certain exercises. Not allowed on the treadmill--just in time for bathing suit season. YES.
Reading:
I have been reading Psalms for the past few nights and I must say I love it. So much to offer in this book. The psalms are great, easy to read. Great for someone like me who loses focus easily. Trying to do good on all my Lent goals.

Just read through. Nothing interesting whatsoever. Sorry about that. Probably wont do that again.

Have a good week! PS: got hit in the face with a basketball in our city league game thursday. Everyone laughed, it was awesome. It's still funny.

Caroline

Built for Guilt?

Guilt-  a feeling of having done wrong or failed in an obligation. I read something today that brought about the discussion of us not being built for guilt. When thinking about it I really felt strongly about the statement. "We are not built for guilt." So why is guilt constantly in the back of my mind or really in the front of it? We do we constantly allow guilt to plague our lives? Now their are a few tangents I can go off onto when discussing this further. Most people think of guilt as when they were a kid and they did something wrong and felt guilty. The same type of things happen to us as adults. But I am not really talking about that type of guilt. I am talking about the guilt we feel when we sin against God and the guilt the will not allow us to be content and pleased. Now I know that God is a merciful God. He did not  put us here to be miserable. But at the same time his rules are pretty concrete. He didn't impose these rules to make us unhappy. On the contrary he did this to give us all the opportunities available to be completely happy and close to him. Doesn't it seem the farther we stray from God the more hopeless and miserable we get. Its like a slippery slope and we end up on our knees in the dark broken. I couldn't believe God would want this. He's my father and not even my earthly father would ever wish that for me. God's gifts and our happiness are ours if we just believe in God's promises. Romans 3:23-24 says "for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,  and all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus."  He recognizes we make mistakes and promises his grace. God promises shouldn't be ignored. Thats why I don't believe we were built for guilt. Thats the last thing he wants for us to be burdened with. I can honestly say I feel like I carry about 30 extra lbs of guilt with me in a backpack daily. Why do I hold onto this guilt? I keep it with me as a reminder of how worthless I sometimes feel. Keeping it with you isn't necessary. I have to let it go. Give that guilt to God. He'll take it. He wants me to be happy and I remind myself of that daily because I know it can be overwhelming at least for me it feels that way. 

Now, onto another built for guilt tangent. Although, it still returns to what I have already discussed. I struggle with the guilt of pleasing other people. Almost to the point I hurt my own happiness. It's good to find a safe and healthy median for this. God wants you to always be kind and compassionate. He wants us to encourage each other and build each other up. But he also wants us to be taken care of and don't skimp on taking care of ourselves. And I can honestly say its amazing to find someone who allows you to be free of guilt in your relationship. I just think some people struggle with relationship guilt and its easy to fall into. You know you think I need to make this person happy but does this coincide with my happiness or what I know is right for me, you, us? Now I am definitely not saying to be selfish! AT ALL. That is why this is such a tricky situation. You know what makes it easier. Finding that person who allows you to be both. Surround yourself with the people who want you to do your best for both of you and not have guilt. There shouldn't be guilt in relationships. We should all work daily to improve things and trust each other. It all comes back to how God wants you to be happy and follow his laws. He WILL put the right people in your life that help facilitate this. Not saying there aren't going to be trials, wrong people, or a bumpy patch of road or two. But being free of guilt in relationships really seems to lift a weight off your shoulders or in my case a 30lb backpack. 

So when thinking about the statement "we are not built for guilt" I wholeheartedly agree. It's almost like a mantra! Repeat it and say it in your head or out loud. I was not built for guilt I was built for happiness and God's amazing promises. Now if that doesn't give you chills I don't know what will or at least put a hopeful smile on your face at least.