My Newest Hobby

I'm not sure about you but fishing seems to be one of the most therapeutic and relaxing activities one can participate it. I started fishing very regularly a few months ago and I have to say I am loving every minute of it.

I mean look at those smiles!

 So beautiful and peaceful!

 Her first fish!

Picking up a hobby that has very little to do with technology and anything new is a great way to relax and have time to just reflect on things. I think we spend way too much time "plugged in" to things like television, the internet, and other current entertainment. Fishing is something that is so pure and tranquil. You should probably give it a try sometime! I'm glad I did, its one of the highlights of my week that is normally plagued with homework, tests, and too much internet surfing!

Caroline

Psalm 13- Trust

A certain Psalm seems to continue to come to mind lately. I admit the first few parts of it aren't the happiest of verses but in continuing there are a couple verses that end it that really strike a cord with me. It says "But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing the Lord's praise, for he has been good to me." I really love these last few lines. After being so disheartened at the beginning it ends up because a true Psalm of faith and trust in God. Now I don't know about you but having faith and trusting are definitely two things I struggle with. Having faith in God's plans and trusting he is doing the right things for me are something I struggle with. Now i'm not saying I don't think he knows what he's doing. I KNOW he knows what he is doing. But sometimes it is very hard to "let go and let God" so to speak. I just really think this Psalm shows the fear and pain that we sometimes have but at the end the last couple of verses show tremendous faith and trust. It is so powerful to really think about just how much God will always take care of us and provide. He has unconditional, unfailing love for us. He has been SO good to us. It really is amazing to think about.

These faith and trust issues don't stop here. But like always they do return to God as everything does. I also struggle with trusting and having faith in my relationships. I learned this horrible mantra a long time ago "I only trust you as far as I can throw you." and unless you are a baseball I probably can't throw you very far. So, this is a horrible mantra? Yes and no. I mean there is nothing wrong with being cautious. There are people out there who aren't their to serve your best interest.  With that being said tho, just like their is nothing wrong with being cautious there is nothing wrong with being vulnerable to the people who deserve it. There are some tremendously good people that do deserve your trust, faith, and commitment. They deserve all of us, not just the parts we want to give. True trust is giving and letting. This trust and faith benefits all sides involved. Not everyone is going to hurt you. Not everyone is out to get you or to pull a fast one on you or destroy you. So why do I, and I'm sure I'm not alone, have such a hard time with this? Why do you? Are their people in your past who changed you, broke you, or made it seem impossible to fully trust someone? I answered yes. But isn't that really just part of it? It's just part of the game right? Honestly, if we continue to associate our relationships with a "game" things like this will continue to be the case and we will never move from this lifestyle of unfulfilling and untrusting relationships. Relationships aren't a game. There shouldn't be a winner and a loser. Now, let me stress I'm not condoning giving your trust and faith to just anyone walking down the street. Things take time, trust is earned. I know that. And finding someone who deserves your trust and faith is hard, but we shouldn't let the past dictate the future or set the tone. I fully believe in God's will and have faith in his way. He knows exactly what he's doing. He put's the right person there for us to learn to trust again. And I think the past makes the present and future that much sweeter. Yes the growing pains can be brutal. But they are worth it. I think the benefits of letting someone in outweigh the fears. Its better than being guarded and hurting every time you push someone away because you have been hurt in the past. We have to stay away from thoughts that compare them to the ones before them and passing judgements. I think to really improve and trust again we must stop comparing relationships and stop the game mentality.

God has a reason for it all. Trust him. He will put the right people there and you will know it. When you realize its time to trust again. You will. Just like when God leads you somewhere, go. He knows exactly what he's doing. I am trying to grow in trusting God's way. Just like in Psalm 13 there is so much fear, so many questions, but so much faith in God. He has unfailing love and he has been so good to us. True trust and faith in him. This post was pretty all over the place but I hope at least it communicated that trusting God and our relationships is true strength. We all deserve to be happy and be with good people. I thank God everyday for the people he has sent me. Sometimes coming from the most random, coincidental and unconventional places. I am truly blessed and hope to do my relationships with the one's I love justice.

I hope you have a great easter!

trust and faith,
Caroline

Just a little update.

I thought i'd throw in a different kind of post just to keep you on your toes. So here is a little update on my life right now and trust me it is truly riveting stuff!

Academia:
Started grad school last month at Harding and its been rather time consuming. Lots of writing, discussion, and research (yes APA format, glamorous). I am in a ethical management and analysis class and international business right now. Both are fairly interesting on any given day. Lots of papers and assignments. Add that to the other ugrad marketing classes im taking for kicks, its quite a bit of schooling but not the most difficult semester i've had by far tho! Spent a lot of the day on campus writing a paper and doing assignments.
Work:
Doing some social media work for Blackbird when I have time a.k.a. handling their twitter account. I'd like to get more involved but i'm still trying to balance everything! Also, working for a lawyer friend when he needs me. Need to buckle down in this department I know. I kind of feel like a bum.
Fitness/Nutrition:
One of the most frustrating areas in my life right now. I've been going to the physical therapist for my back and hip. Long story short: I have the back of an 80yr old and my hip pops out at the drop of a hat. So what that means is PT twice a week, wearing a hip belt, he took me off running for the time being, no jumping and really low impact stuff. The elliptical has become my bffl and my training sessions with Sarah have become very limited to certain exercises. Not allowed on the treadmill--just in time for bathing suit season. YES.
Reading:
I have been reading Psalms for the past few nights and I must say I love it. So much to offer in this book. The psalms are great, easy to read. Great for someone like me who loses focus easily. Trying to do good on all my Lent goals.

Just read through. Nothing interesting whatsoever. Sorry about that. Probably wont do that again.

Have a good week! PS: got hit in the face with a basketball in our city league game thursday. Everyone laughed, it was awesome. It's still funny.

Caroline

Built for Guilt?

Guilt-  a feeling of having done wrong or failed in an obligation. I read something today that brought about the discussion of us not being built for guilt. When thinking about it I really felt strongly about the statement. "We are not built for guilt." So why is guilt constantly in the back of my mind or really in the front of it? We do we constantly allow guilt to plague our lives? Now their are a few tangents I can go off onto when discussing this further. Most people think of guilt as when they were a kid and they did something wrong and felt guilty. The same type of things happen to us as adults. But I am not really talking about that type of guilt. I am talking about the guilt we feel when we sin against God and the guilt the will not allow us to be content and pleased. Now I know that God is a merciful God. He did not  put us here to be miserable. But at the same time his rules are pretty concrete. He didn't impose these rules to make us unhappy. On the contrary he did this to give us all the opportunities available to be completely happy and close to him. Doesn't it seem the farther we stray from God the more hopeless and miserable we get. Its like a slippery slope and we end up on our knees in the dark broken. I couldn't believe God would want this. He's my father and not even my earthly father would ever wish that for me. God's gifts and our happiness are ours if we just believe in God's promises. Romans 3:23-24 says "for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,  and all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus."  He recognizes we make mistakes and promises his grace. God promises shouldn't be ignored. Thats why I don't believe we were built for guilt. Thats the last thing he wants for us to be burdened with. I can honestly say I feel like I carry about 30 extra lbs of guilt with me in a backpack daily. Why do I hold onto this guilt? I keep it with me as a reminder of how worthless I sometimes feel. Keeping it with you isn't necessary. I have to let it go. Give that guilt to God. He'll take it. He wants me to be happy and I remind myself of that daily because I know it can be overwhelming at least for me it feels that way. 

Now, onto another built for guilt tangent. Although, it still returns to what I have already discussed. I struggle with the guilt of pleasing other people. Almost to the point I hurt my own happiness. It's good to find a safe and healthy median for this. God wants you to always be kind and compassionate. He wants us to encourage each other and build each other up. But he also wants us to be taken care of and don't skimp on taking care of ourselves. And I can honestly say its amazing to find someone who allows you to be free of guilt in your relationship. I just think some people struggle with relationship guilt and its easy to fall into. You know you think I need to make this person happy but does this coincide with my happiness or what I know is right for me, you, us? Now I am definitely not saying to be selfish! AT ALL. That is why this is such a tricky situation. You know what makes it easier. Finding that person who allows you to be both. Surround yourself with the people who want you to do your best for both of you and not have guilt. There shouldn't be guilt in relationships. We should all work daily to improve things and trust each other. It all comes back to how God wants you to be happy and follow his laws. He WILL put the right people in your life that help facilitate this. Not saying there aren't going to be trials, wrong people, or a bumpy patch of road or two. But being free of guilt in relationships really seems to lift a weight off your shoulders or in my case a 30lb backpack. 

So when thinking about the statement "we are not built for guilt" I wholeheartedly agree. It's almost like a mantra! Repeat it and say it in your head or out loud. I was not built for guilt I was built for happiness and God's amazing promises. Now if that doesn't give you chills I don't know what will or at least put a hopeful smile on your face at least.

Victims Of Our Thoughts?

Today on twitter Max Lucado said "We are not a victim of our thoughts. We have a vote. We have a voice. We can exercise thought prevention." Naturally, he got me thinking. Can we honestly call ourselves victims of our own thoughts? Rationally can we explain to ourselves that it is against our own will that more often than not our thoughts run rampant about irrational, impractical, and far fetched scenarios? Are we really the victim? Poor little us, right? Wrong. Max hits the nail on the head with this one. again. No we are not victims if we do not want to be. I can't tell you how many nights I have laid awake stressing over things that probably are not happening or things that probably will not happen. So why do I waste so much time on useless thoughts that really only lead to sleepless nights and to be honest a little too much acid buildup in my stomach? I'll be the first to admit I'm guilty of throwing myself a pity party with the best of them. What purpose does it serve? It doesn't serve one. All these negative thoughts do is pull us away from reality and what is most important. The devil is one sly dude if you really think about it. He finds us when we are at our weakest and really hits us hard. Afraid about what you are going to do with your life or how a relationship is going to workout? Here he comes with his thought "jedi mind tricks". He is so crafty!


Please tell me there is some good news and some hope! Well never fear there is something we can do to avoid feeling like the "victim". We CAN exercise thought prevention! If we really slow down and "pump the brakes" on these fear and anxiety based irrational thoughts we can really approach them more healthily. I find sometimes have to give myself a little pep talk that kind of goes like "Caroline, you are losing touch with reality. Slow down, really ask yourself if this is rational and even is it possible. Are you really as bad off or as adrift as you think?" Probably not. It is usually not as bad as it seems. Another instance where I and Im sure a lot of people really lose a firm grasp of reality. Another way to exercise thought prevention that goes hand in hand with this pep talk approach is prayer and God. The word of God is a true comfort in uncertain times. Tell me what is more certain and comforting than God's promises. Jeremiah 29:11 says: "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." How comforting is that? There are so many instances in the bible where we are comforted and given hope. 2 Corinthians 12:9-10, 1 Peter 5:7 to name a few more. When approached with thoughts that bring us down such comfort is so powerful. There is nothing like retreating to the word of God to send the bad thoughts out.
When we really think about the idea of being "victims" of our own thoughts it really does seem manageable. Yes I know, easier said than done. But teaching yourself to slow things down, breathe, and retreat into the word are a good start to help combating such negative thoughts that seem to plague us in our weakest and darkest times. Our minds can play terrible tricks on us and playing the victim roll is no way to live. I don't think its fun for anyone and I know it isn't fun for me.


Have a great and safe week especially all of you spring breakers!


Caroline


You should probably follow Max Lucado on twitter: twitter.com/maxlucado
Books by Max Lucado that I recommend: Fearless: Imagine Your Life Without Fear 
                                                                   When God Whispers Your Name
                                                                   Facing Your Giants

Lent

Ok, so i'm not Catholic but I find Lent to be great concept. Lent is a time of sacrifice for Jesus. In the bible Jesus went into the wilderness, fasted and was tempted by the devil for 40 days. Besides the spiritual aspects and benefits of it it also promotes self-discipline in those who participate. So, although not being Catholic, I always usually make some sort of pact to give up something or start doing something. I've given up fast food, cokes, and many other things in the past. I know people who have given up sugar, facebook, or carbs (ambitious). And while I commend these pledges I cant help but want to be a little more complex in my choices. This is a great opportunity to grow closer to God through all acts of giving up some of our favorite things.
My Lent Pledges: I'd like to make a more conscious effort to read the bible everyday. A Catholic friend of mine once for Lent chose to read at least a chapter of the bible a day. This has the makings a good habit. I can honestly I do not spend enough time with God's word or in prayer. The second thing, Prayer. Prayer deserves its own blog post but in short I want to establish a more intimate relationship with God. I want to start by praying more during the day. I pray before bed and during the really stressful days at specific times. But I thought why not add a concrete prayer time during the day? So I will add a noon prayer. I thing this will be good because some nights I find myself excited and looking forward to my bedtime prayer. And here is something that will be one of my most ambitious and most difficult things I am going to try and make a conscious effort in: Improve the health of my relationships. I would say I struggle most with my interpersonal relationships. It really isn't any way to live. I consistently find myself lonely, disappointed, and upset over how my most important relationships play out. Now I know i'm not the only one who struggles with things like this. But isn't life about growth? Why not use the next 40 days to work on one of the lowest points in my life? I need to examine why I feel like I repeatedly find myself in certain situations with certain feelings. I need to return to some of the basic building blocks of any strong and healthy relationship: communication, honesty, compassion, and understanding. Also heres where I get into trouble I forget that pesky old adage "people cant read your mind".
Needless to say I have a lot of work to do and i'm ready to take on this "Lent season" with these pledges. I hope you all (Catholic or not) practice some self-discipline in your daily lives that inspire constant growth and improvements. It really is beneficial in so many ways.

First blog, scratching the surface

This is my very first attempt at a blog. Bare with me and maybe i'll eventually get the hang of this and write something somewhat interesting. If it isn't interesting or thought provoking on any level don't mind me. I'll just "keep on truckin". So the reason i'm starting a blog is because I always find myself reading other people and find the concept of a blog so interesting. You are telling what you think about something, big or small, which at times can be cool and liberating. Plus, it might get less random traffic as opposed to facebook or the twitter which has its benefits. So here it goes. First blog is in the books. BALLGAME.
Next time i'll probably post with some more concentrated purpose or direction. It really could be just about anything because if you know me I am all over the place. Alright. Again, ballgame.